Visiting
by Princess Leasha
Summary: One-shot. Remus is alone after James and Lily are murdered and Sirius is put in Azkaban. All alone in the big, wide, scary world, all his friends are dead or murderers. 1 year after Sirius has been imprisoned Remus finally pays him a visit.


_Hi everyone, just a little something I started a while ago and stumbled across last night and finished to procrastinate. Hope you enjoy it, let me know! _

_Princess Leasha._

_Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine, if it was I wouldn't be broke right now!_

Remus's POV

I couldn't believe it James and Lily were dead. Little Harry was off to live with his muggle aunt and uncle, who would never appreciate the talents he would grow to have. And Sirius was locked up in Azkaban. That had to be the big pile of sloppy shit icing on the top of my crappy life cake. There was a chance that I may have been able to handle the first two catastrophes if I still had him by my side. But apparently Sirius had murdered a street full muggles and our old friend Peter and therefore got himself locked up. I had no idea what would possess him to do this, but there is no way I could ever forgive him for killing not only our friend but innocent muggles as well and not being there for me when I needed him. Now I was the last Marauder. Now I was truly alone in the big wide world which hated me for what I was. My friends supported me, they didn't care I was a werewolf, the rest of the world on the other hand did not approve at all. It's not like I chose to be this way, I would give anything to be a normal man, with my friends by my side rather than murdered and in prison. But the world works in mysterious ways and that's the way it was going to be. Me, alone. I felt a trail of tears making their way down my cheeks and I angrily wiped them away. I wasn't going to cry. These tears weren't for James and Lily and Peter, they were for me. I was so selfish, my friends were dead and I was crying because I was alone, and that's all I was ever going to be.

1 year later

A year after the deaths of three of my closest friends and 30 letters after Sirius getting put in Azkaban I decided to pay him a visit, in the hope that I would be able to say to his face what I couldn't put into words on parchment. I packed my pockets with chocolate in order to counter the depressing effects of the dementors that guarded Azkaban before apparating to the Ministry of Magic to be escorted to Azkaban.

"Who are you visiting?"The prison escort, a large, heavily tattooed wizard, asked.

"Sirius Black," I responded quietly.

"You understand that Black may only have one visitation during his imprisonment and if you visit him now no one else will be permitted to see him?"

"Yes. He has no one else that would come anyway," I replied.

The man nodded, holding out his hand for my wand, which I gave to him.

"You will be permitted to carry your wand but it has been charmed so it cannot be used while visiting Azkaban as using any magic there will wind you up in a cell as well. Do you have any items you plan to take with you?"

"Just some chocolate."

He nodded again, with a small smile, "You've done your research I see. Well if you are sure you wish to take this trip please take hold of my arm and I will take you there now."

I nodded, took a deep breath and held onto his arm tightly. Almost as soon as I had made contact I felt the familiar pull of apparating. When we stopped the first thing that struck me was that it was dark and cold. The waves breaking against the rocks coupled with the howling wind gave the place an eerie feel, not to mention the fact that it was a prison and the guards were literally sucking the happiness out of everything around them. The prison escort gave me directions to Sirius's cell and I set off towards it, drawing my cloak in close in a futile attempt to keep out the cold. I walked past many cells, trying to ignore the screams and cries that were coming from within, trying not to look at the dirty, hollow faces of people that were a shell of how they once were.

"They deserve to be here Remus, don't pity them. Find Sirius and get this over with," I muttered to myself.

I continued walking for what seemed like eternity before stopping outside the cell I had been directed to. There was a dark shape huddled in the corner that I assumed was Sirius.

"Oi Black!" I called with as much confidence as I could muster.

"Oi what? Who's there?" He asked, moving closer to the bars.

"It's me, I figured I should… I dunno…" I trailed off.

"Moony? Remus? You're here? You came?" he asked wildly, running at the bars.

The face that looked back at me was unquestionably Sirius. His hair longer than usual, filthy, matted with Merlin only knows what, he had lost weight, which wasn't surprising and he was covered in so much dirt but underneath his grey eyes were shinning. The eyes I had looked into almost every day during my time at school. The eyes that held no judgement for me at all, despite me turning into a werewolf every full moon.

"Moony? You okay?" He asked, reaching one arm though the bars.

I stepped back, out of his reach, "Yeah I'm okay. I just... I just don't really know why I'm here. "

Sirius sighed, letting his arm fall and resting his head on the bars, "Remmy please, please come over here. Let me explain, you really need to hear me explain."

I nodded and took a few tentative steps towards the cell. As soon as I was within arm's reach, Sirius grabbed me and pulled me into an awkward hug through the bars of the cell. He held me as tightly as the bars would allow, whispering as many variations of my name as he could. After a few seconds I instinctively wrapped my arms around him and I felt my eyes prickling with hot, unshed tears. It felt like eternity before he put his hands on either side of my face, holding my head inches from his own.

"I'm sorry I took so long," I muttered feebly, trying to avoid the soft, grey eyes that seemed to be staring into my soul.

"387 days, 13 hours and 34 minutes," he replied, "that's how long it's been since I last saw you."

"I know, I counted too. I didn't know if I should come at all. You only have one visitation, so this is it. No one else can come."

"No one else would come Remus, you know that. If James were still… you know… he would've come with you. Maybe Lily and baby Harry too but it's just you left. You're all I have."

"But this is it. One visit. I can't ever come back again. Ever. So I didn't know if it was better for me to just stay away and never come or what. I've just been so lost Sirius," I said, my voice catching slightly despite my best efforts.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. You're here now and that's the main thing. I would rather get to see you one last time than never see you again. Although I would prefer it to be in some fancy hotel in Italy or something, not here."

I laughed, "How are you in such high spirits? I'm supposed to be comforting you."

"You're here," he answered simply, stroking my cheek with his thumb, "that's all the comforting I need."

He pulled my head towards his and planted a soft kiss on my forehead, "Remus, I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you to. I've tried not to. I tried to forget you. I tried so hard to forget everything about you. But forgetting you would mean forgetting the best times of my life. I contemplated casting a memory charm on myself but I didn't want to forget James and Lily and Harry, they don't deserve to be forgotten. Just you, I just wanted to forget you. You've hurt me so much Sirius. Why would you do this? He was our friend! And what did all those innocent muggles do to deserve that?"

"Remus, you don't understand. I went to confront Peter, yes. I planned to kill Peter, yes. He got the better of me though. He cut off his finger, killed the muggles and transformed, running off into the sewers to hiding rather than face me. I knew he was a rat for a reason. He got them killed! He got Lily and James killed! He sold them to Voldemort, he was their secret-keeper, not me. I thought it would be obvious that it was me and Voldy would come after me instead. I would've died for Lily, James and Harry, you know I would've. He was my brother! They were more of a family to me than my own family; I would've done anything for them! But Peter, I didn't think he would get away, he's smarter than I gave him credit for. He's running around free while I'm stuck here, rotting away."

"Did you tell them this?"

"Of course I told them! No one believes me! They think I'm mad. They found me standing in a street full of dead bodies, holding a wand and laughing like a maniac. Laughing because I couldn't believe that he had bested me, the little rat. So now I'm here, rotting away in this stinking place with those things sucking away my happiness."

"I have something that can stop that, for a while at least," I replied, digging the chocolate bars out of my pocket and pressing them into Sirius' hands.

"Thanks Moony, you're not usually one to part with your chocolate."

"It will help with the effects of the dementors. Well, in theory it will, I don't know how it will work with you being surrounded by them all the time though, but even if it doesn't work it will still taste good."

Sirius laughed, "Oh Moony you always were the cleverest one of us."

"It is quite amazing what happens when one reads," I replied with a smile.

We slipped into a comfortable silence, both of us sitting with the bars between us, staring into the eyes of the one person we each had left in the world.

"How have you been Remus? Really."

I sighed, "I tried crying, I tried forgetting, I tried being angry but nothing was right. There was nothing I could do. Everything felt wrong. I have spent the last 387 days trying to figure out how I feel, or at least how I should feel but I can't. And then I come here, to you and just looking at you brings back so many memories and thoughts I tried to suppress. And when you hold me everything just feels right. The whole world just falls back into place and I'm where I should be. I'm home, with you. Every touch floods me with more memories of how it used to be. Every single moment we have spent together just gets more and more etched into my brain just by being here with you, it's like it's impossible for them to go away. Every night I spent with you wrapped around me, comforting me from werewolf dreams is there. Every kiss is there. Every single moment of our lives is there, right in front of my eyes, burned into my brain, but in reality it's gone. It's been gone since you got put in here. As soon as this door slammed behind you it all became history and I don't know how to deal with this! I just want you to come home, more than anything in the world I just want you to come home with me right now."

Sirius took my hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing it lightly multiple times, the other hand reaching out to wipe the tears that had started falling shortly after I commenced my monologue.

"I want to come home too. You keep me sane in here Remus John Lupin. You are the reason I haven't gone completely insane yet, you and Harry."

"Okay, times up Lupin. We're heading back," a voice called.

"No, not yet! I can't leave yet!"

"Too bad, times up. Say your final goodbyes and we will be out of this place."

Sirius stood, pulling me to my feet and hugged me tightly again as I continued protesting to the prison escort.

"Remus, Remus shhhhh, it's okay. We both knew you couldn't stay here forever. You've got to go back. You've got a life to live Remus. Without me. You'll be okay, you're strong, you're the strongest person I know. Look at me Remus."

I looked at Sirius, who somehow, despite the fact that he was the one locked in a cell, was the stronger out of the two of us. He pulled me close to him and kissed me. The first kiss in 387 days, 14 hours and 12 minutes. The last kiss for the rest of our lives.

"I love you Remus John Lupin. You are my sun, no, scratch that, you are my moon. You are my moon, you are my everything. Now I need you to be brave and go home. You'll be okay without me. You're so brave and so strong Remus. Go on and make a new life, you don't need to worry about me. Check up on Harry, make sure he's okay; James would want you in his life okay? One day I'll get out and I'll come back to you, I promise. I love you."

"I love you too," I choked out through my tears as he pushed me away.

The prison escort took my arm and apparated me back to the Ministry of Magic, from there I apparated myself home to my bed. As I sat there recalling our final moments together I realised I wasn't alone in the big, wide, scary world, I had Sirius. I would always have him, even if he wasn't with me. He was with me and he promised to come back to me.

_Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought. Reviews are love and I love love! _


End file.
